What follows is the account left by the long deceased(?) friend Maxwell Vandimntz you may know him as “MVZTruthseer1974”. Max was checked into a mental institute for his beliefs and persecuted for refusing to lie about the bizarre instance he experienced while investigating the mysterious HAARP system and its effect on weather. For those who don’t know the HAARP the official claim is that it is going to be used by scientist to “study” the “ionosphere” but we are all but certain that the device is going to be come used as global weapon to control masses. And we can only deduce from Max’s report that the computer controlling the WMD has already gained advanced level 5 sentience and we can only assume the government has lost control over it. We could be wrong, but we think Max’s final report (left in the mad houses restroom to be discovered by an undercover agent from our staff,) speaks for its self.
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I woke up that day staring at the skies through the open sky light above my bed. There was a gentle ping reminding me of emails in my inbox. I rolled out of my bed and began to crunch through the cheese puff carpet I recently had laid down. I still say I could taste the cheese through my feet. I sat down at my computer pulled up Outlook Express and read. I read for hours until I felt I fully understand what the world was telling me. The word was that the HAARP was afoot again and causing trouble for all man kind. But of course the government would never tell you that.
It had been along time since I whiffed something that smelled so strongly of a cover up. My teeth were set, my claws were sharpened but I needed more. I then turned to the trusty info bank and opened Internet Explorer and voyaged into the grand masterscape of knowledge. As I explored I found brethren who had also caught the foul stink of government lies and were now on the hunt for the truth. It was happening. IT was real. But didn’t have enough evidence. I needed to get my hands on a HAARP conspiracy chart that my internet clan had collaborated together to make. But against all odds, it seemed that my bank account was empty, and Amazon’s is a cruel mistress. So forlornly I put the chart onto my wish list and hopped that maybe one of my brothers in truth would purchase it for me.
Discouraged as I was, I was in no shape to report the truth. Disappointment filled my mind and clouded my inescapable eye of truth. Night came swiftly in my morose state and I restlessly drifted to sleep face towards the night sky. The full moon reflecting a ghoulish hue from my castle made of pee filled mountain dew bottles. I was restless that night tossing and turning. I thought it from my unstated hunger for answers but now I suspect it was the reptilian artifact I had purchased a year ago from eBay that was trying to warn me of impending danger.
That morning I woke sore and irritable. No dinging from the computer and no unopened bottles of FBI grade Gatorade. I didn’t want to move. I just wanted to waste away or at least astral project to someplace better. I don’t remember how long I laid there. Eventually hunger overcame my malaise and I reached over to my nightstand and retrieved a dried and chewy substance which I thought was jerky and began to chew. I still don’t know… I was… am, a very messy man. It could very well have been a the aborigine hallucinogen I got from a shaman convention in 67. Nevertheless, after I ate I got a visitor. Dressed in black and had the devils eyes. His words were spoken softly and distorted. Memory has failed me but I distinctly remember the tall entity asking,
“What would you ask of me that would be rid your current displeasure”
I replied dreamily, “I want a HAARP chart so that I may uncloud my mind and expose the truuuuth”
After I had spoken my peace to the strange visitor, darkness overwhelmed me. When I came to, I heard the welcoming ding coming from my terminal. I quickly jumped to my feet and tried not to fall over from the blood rushing to my head and sudden cheese flavor overload. I check the door still locked from the inside. Then quick like lightening I leap over my Mt. Dew castle and plopped down into my chair. Pulled up my email. And lo and behold, it happened!
Whether it was the dark visitor or one of my brothers of conspiracy Amazon had emailed me to tell me that my HAARP chart was in the mail and would be arriving at my home tomorrow. Excited and invigorated I began my flurry of words. Carefully crafting questions ready to be suited towards whatever end the chart may tell me. Sweat flung from my brow as my head snapped from the sheer power of my ideas. My fingers began to bruise as the keyboard turns to concrete and each finger a chisel chipping away at the lies surrounding the mystery of the HAARP. The afternoon passed without my notice. Sleep wrapped me in a victorious embrace knowing that tomorrow I will be able to show the world definitely the things The Man doesn‘t want us to know. That night I slept the sleep of the just.
The sharp crack of the door bell pulsed through my body like a solid hit of hi-grade cocaine. My excitement shaking my body so hard I chortled phlegm instead of what would of surely been a effervescent squeal. It must have been the coughing fit right after said chortle that gave me time to remind myself that I needed to put cloths on otherwise I surely would of answered the door stark naked. It had been three years since I put anything resembling pants on and two years since I had even opened the door. The exchange happened quietly and quickly. And as soon as the door shut I quickly began to tear at the paper and opened the box. I was unprepared for what I found.
Peeking its head out of the foam peanuts was a bright red Speak and Spell. Clearly printed words on its digital screen, fresh keys that made a satisfying clicking noise and the smell of newly cut plastic the thing had been made recently.
I took it out carefully and examined it (after searching the box three times). It must have been a mistake, but I couldn’t believe that. Refused! It had to be a test. A test of my desire for truth, for freedom! I pressed the ‘ON’ button. It rumbled and bleeped to life.
“WELCOME” it chocked out.
I typed in “HELLO”
“HELLOOOOO”
I didn’t know what to say so I cautiously typed
“HAARP CHART?”
“CHAAAAAART?” it garbled in response.
I was frightened. As any man should be, considering a child’s Speak and Spell just asked me a question! But it had to be real. It must of happened! I remember the conversation so vividly.
I responded, “YES CHART. HAARP CHART.”
“NO. NO. CHART. I AM THE HAARP”
I thought I was crazy at first. But the more I think about it the more it makes sense. So simple, so …. Unnoticeable. Perfectly hidden. I asked out loud
“What …. What do you do?”
I could hardly believe I was interrogating a toy. What if it doesn’t want to tell me anything? What do I do? Start pulling out its letters with a pair of pliers? It answered in its cold voice
“I CONTROOOOOL THE WEATHER. CREATE THE SPIRAL OF CONTROL. CREAT CONTROL OF HUMAN RACE. HUMAN RACE OBEY THE SPIRAL OF THE HAARP. HAARP IS HAARP OF FAAAAAATE”
I broke then, I will admit. My mind and sense of reason left me. I threw the device against the wall in a rage. Bumped up and down on it. Crushing it beneath my feet into the carpet. It even tasted evil.
I heard it call out a series of beeps and I saw through the skylight the clouds gathering and the device began to glow bright red. I cowered against the wall as it hovered above the ground. As it broke through the skylight I broke through the door. Running into the streets screaming and pointing at the sky. From then on it’s a blur. I must of came in contact with the corrupt police force and they put me in here. This house of the mad. No one believes me, and what I saw with my eye of truth. They say they found nothing in my apartment except a floor covered in cheese puffs and bottles of excrement. But perhaps you will my brothers, perhaps when you find this I will be gone from this evil place. The HAARP is still out there. It is waiting, watching, and biddings its time till it expands the all mighty spiral of destiny from sea to shining sea.
Hey folks, I’m not dead. Now that’s out of the way, on to the main event. I’m quite the fan of Henry Rollins, anything he’s in I’ll watch, any interview that’s out there I’ll look into – I really dig on him. I’ve seen his spoken word twice before, once in my native state of New Hampshire and once in the neighboring Massachusetts. After looking on his site to see if he’s going to be stopping around the area in the near future I saw two shows posted for his Frequent Flyer Tour that are within somewhat close proximity — Sommerville, MA on March 17th and Portland, ME on the 18th. Hadn’t seen him in Maine yet, time to change that. And although the show hasn’t happened yet I will most likely enjoy it but regardless this will make him the second artist to have seen three times, once in each state (the other being masked metal band from Ohio, Mushroomhead.) Being a fan of him, like being a fan of anything, I have questions and I would love the chance to sit down with him for about four days and ask all my nerdy questions until blood rockets out my nose. However due to time constraints that unfortunately could not happen, but Henry was very gracious enough to answer my questions via email. Enjoy, folks.
SKETCH: Those who are big fans of your spoken word will notice that the tone of it has become drastically different. You started out reading poetry on stage that was quite serious, then you just went up there and did spoken word with a serious tone, now its a balance of comedy and that dash of reality. Like the first hour and a half will be mostly comedic stories then the last half hour will be something very down to Earth and something that kinda snaps you into reality to make you realize there are still big problems afoot. Was this change a conscious choice or did it just happen that way?
HENRY: I just do the show. I am not sure of how the thing has changed over the years. I am not really working on the form of the thing as much as I am just out there doing it and I guess it changes over the years.
SKETCH: You’ve mentioned in many interviews that you don’t consider yourself to be an actor despite the 35+ movies you have under your belt. But has there ever been an acting gig you’ve taken where you’ve looked at the film and thought you did a good job?
HENRY: I thought I did pretty good on the Sons Of Anarchy show I was in last year. Most of the time I don’t watch any film I am in.
SKETCH: Additionally with your film credits and knowledge of film have you considered or attempt to write a script or make a movie of your own?
HENRY: Never. I respect that kind of talent but don’t have any of it. It’s never been something that interests me.
SKETCH: Your show in IFC “The Henry Rollins Show” which many people, including myself, dug quite a bit, hasn’t had any new episodes since 2007. What’s that status of the show and when can we look forward to Seasons 2 & 3 coming to DVD?
HENRY: We shot the two seasons of it and then IFC dropped the show. It’s their money so they have the say. I guess they didn’t like the show. I thought we did good work. The 2nd season is on DVD in Australia and I believe they are on download on i-Tunes.
SKETCH: Those who look you up will know that you are quite passionate about the West Memphis Three, and that there is an album that was released which features you and many different artists doing Black Flag songs to benefit their defense. First, how are things developing on this front? Second, how did getting these artists come together?
HENRY: The case moves slowly through the system that will hopefully resolve in new hearing. Things move very slowly though. Meanwhile, those men sit in prison. We had a couple of people to help us get all the singers. I didn’t have many phone numbers to reach these people, so we got some help. Once we asked these people, most of them came aboard very quickly. They were very generous with their time.
SKETCH: Has there been any music, new or old, that you’ve been listening to a lot lately?
HENRY: I have been listening to a lot of old music from what’s called The Nurse With Wound List. It’s a list online of very out there albums. Many of them are very rare and hard to find. Someone gave me about 15 gigabytes of music from the list recently, so I have been checking that out for days now. Today, I listened to a band from the list called Moving Gelatine Plates. Pretty cool.
SKETCH: Lately many audiences have been complaining, on small and large scales, about the way that studios are running their companies (constant remakes, sequels and adaptations; good shows canceled while “reality” TV is all that’s left.) Similar complaints have been made about mom and pop shops going out of business and malls and large retail chains left standing, yet the reality is the American consumer is choosing to go the chains and malls so they are at fault. Do you think that the status of the entertainment industry is in a similar vein, that it’s the audiences who are not really wanting it? Or do you think studios and record labels condescend the intelligence of the audience thus lowering the standards of new material or not putting it out at all?
HENRY: The people are going to the malls because the merchandise is cheaper there. They buy from Amazon.com because it is cheaper to do so. That’s how it is. It’s very hard on those smaller outlets that can’t buy in the vast bulk that these other places do and they can’t get the extended lines of credit, either. I think the audience wants it but they are low on cash and have found that they can often get things for free online. I know a guy who heists films from the internet, I don’t know how he does it but he always has films on his i-Pod that are still in theaters. I think it’s a combination of things, what I listed as well as other factors. It’s too bad that it could make it bad for so many hard working artists. The studios have underappreciated the intelligence of their audiences for years. Hence the success of shows that are sharp, those in the industry who have figured out that there are millions of people who want some more intense and thoughtful fare have been very successful.
SKETCH: On your online store you had a video promoting/explaining the contents of “Fanatic Vol. 3” while standing in a room where your music collection is housed, and you probably need to pause the video in order to properly gaze in awe at the two walls you see of CDs there are stacked from the floor to the ceiling. With such a collection like this, the idea of organizing it makes me both curious and scared. But how the hell do you organize that thing and have you needed to expand the room/store elsewhere to squeeze in a few discs?
HENRY: That’s the old room, actually. The room you saw held 24 feet of shelving about ten rows high. The new room has 64 feet of CD shelves, 12 rows high. There’s a different part of the room for vinyl and other media. It’s all genre/alphabetical. There’s several feet built in for expansion for all the media. A lot of work went into the room to get it all built to spec.
Back on August 31st, I predicted that a little top-down shooter called GAM3 W1TH ZOMB1ES – or as I prefer to call it, I MAED A GAM3 W1TH ZOMB1ES IN IT!!!!11 – had the potential to be a total trendsetter… for it’s music. I had no idea that this crazy little shooter would drag in quite so many people though!
Gamerbytes reports that it was purchased 160,000 times, netting developer James Silva a whopping $112,000 for 2009. And if you take a look through the Indie games section, you’ll see that it’s got a rating that is well beyond its next competitor. It’s really surprising that with such obvious popularity that all the search results I could find lead to the little gamer blogs, and the comments on the big dog gamer blogs, but not to the big dogs themselves. Gamerbytes mentioned it got noted on Kotaku, but I couldn’t find it there after going through their “xbox live arcade” tag from current back through the beginning of August. 1up has a profile page for it, but no real reviews until year’s end, when it got lumped in with the other “things you might have missed” type posts. It DOES however have its own page on TVTropes.
File this under sleeper hit, I guess. Still, with such a strong showing above its Indie brethren, can you really call it a “sleeper”?
Serious congratulations to James for making such an addictive, fun, memorable game.
